Recipe for Disaster
Take one part delusional, violent, intrusive, ignorant, immature ex-spouse
One part passive aggressive, chronic lying, undiagnosed bipolar man
One part mis-informed, love blinded, fragile, co-dependant
Two litigators interested only in benefiting their agencies
And one court system whose sole purpose is to perpetuate itself
Sprinkle liberally with deceit, delay, spys and constant harassment.
Bake under pressure at 450 for 4 years, and stand back. This is gonna hurt.
And this is where I found myself, standing on the edge of bliss with an unseen entity behind me holding an enormous hammer with a target on my head.
As for me, I was living in a space where every song on the radio was written especially for me.
The air was cleaner, the birds sang louder and the evenings were magic. Everything made sense. I was a student of love.
Running solely on manic fumes, I soaked up my new found love like a sponge, wanting only to see her face, her smile, hear her voice, hold her hand. I still feel that way today.
It was a relationship like no other...yeah, we all say that or at least I hope we do...but this was mine. The intensity was as blinding as the sun, like a warm blanket that you could wrap yourself in and feel safe. Something I had never known. Someone was taking care of me.
I'm sure you're thinking, well, sex can do that to a person, and you're right. My sexual options new no boundaries, but it went so far beyond that. She is so well read, her knowledge of art and music are unparalleled, her life experiences are rich and full of color. She opened up a world for me. One of creativity, nurturing and support the likes of which I had never known. She asked for nothing in return.
We would spend hours telling each other stories of our pasts, our childhoods, our dreams. We would laugh uncontrollably.
She told me of a horrible chronic disease that she has. She was honest. I never even blinked. I didn't care then and I don't care now. It's something that I have always accepted and learned to help her with in my own small way. It's actually a huge part of who she is. Through this disease, she has shown a passion for life that most take for granted. Her love for life's simplicities were imparted on me, another of the gifts she gave me. Her courage around this disease has served to inspire not only myself but countless others.
She is like a well were we all go to renew ourselves and even when she thinks the well is dry...it never truly is.
When we were together, we were the only two people in the world and the world existed only for the two of us. To say she completed me would be wrong, she complimented me, she made me better than I could ever have hoped to be. There was only one thing to do.......
I scrapped together all the money I had, my rent money, food money...everything and I bought a
ring. I proposed in the middle of a busy street, leaving her no choice but to answer or be run down.
While all this was going on, the Troll was calling my phone incessantly. Money, money, money was the only topic that was of interest to her...until.......why the fuck did I accept the calls? Why did I entertain this parasitic leech? I mean, these were not civil conversations. Why did I give her a voice? Why did I behave in a manner that was an insult and betrayal to the greatest person I had ever met? To this day, I have no definitive answer. All I do know, is the damage it caused to my wife was to be the beginning of my collapse. I can't give her back what's been hurt, all that's left are the wounds
I just wanted to be left alone with my soon to be wife. I figured, if I ignored the Troll...it would go away. The Troll would tire and move on to fuck with someone or something else, that had been my experience with her so far, at least while we were married. But this time, she would show commitment.
